Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Criticwatch - Assassins as bad at Galaga as Ben is at Scene It?

Erik Childress at Criticwatch wonders whether Ben Lyons is getting better:

Readers of this column may feel let down that I’m not going to rip into him for not knowing women’s fashion or turning bad romantic comedies on their ears by referring to the men as mere props instead of the usual eye candy frequently used to draw us dudes in. Lyons even panned Friday the 13th without ever mentioning the horrifying presence of Aaron Yoo, who was seen in an even more terrifying role as Guest #3 at Ben Lyons’ Birthday Party . . . I was listening intently and nothing stood out to write about. Until they talked about The International.

Erik liked the movie much less than I did, but we agree that the worst thing you could criticize the movie for is the great shootout in the Guggenheim. Ben Lyons does just that, saying "I learned some things in this movie. Apparently bullets don’t hit people.” Erik continues:

Yet with all the problems the film has: wooden characters, lethargic pacing, clichéd confessionals and a finale that even God would be offended if referred to as one of his acts, Lyons goes after the Guggenheim massacre by saying he learned that bullets don’t hit people. As a so-called student of film and even going under the guise of “expert” from time-to-time, we all know that bullets don’t just NOT hit people. They don’t hit our heroes. If they did, films would tend to be a lot shorter. Bullets tend not to hit James Bond, which he’s had no problem in recommending. He was interested in seeing Max Payne shoot people but probably wasn’t quite as interested in Max Payne getting shot. At least a half-dozen people get shot in the Guggenheim. Some graphically so. True the relative shots connected to shots fired might give the assassins an embarrassing percentage on Galaga, but what does Lyons want here? More civilian casualties? Unnamed cops to show up and take a few rounds in the face? Did he already forget about the other stand-alone sequence in the film that dealt with a damn assassination? Where we see the target get shot, then one of the shooters and then we watch as our heroes determine HOW someone got shot. With bullets. You just picked the one argument you’re not going to win.

Read the entire Criticwatch Ben Lyons Quote of the Week here.


Anonymous said...

I actually wasn't so offended by Ben's "I just want to see May Payne shoor people" comment.

I know what he means- Robert Wilonsky once praised the Fantasic Four movies for being intentionally cartoonish and juvenile in contrast to the self-serious and very dark comic book movies that were constantly coming out.

You never attacked him for it.

Scott said...

Not sure why I am supposed to have responded to every lame comment by every critic made years before I started this Web site. But I'll try harder next time.

Anonymous said...

Well, don't you think it's a fair point to say "This movie is so pretentious and needlessly serious. It would have been better if it was treated like a video game. "

Scott said...

"This movie is so pretentious and needlessly serious."
- fair point

"It would have been better if it was treated like a video game. "
- probably not